Cledus T. Judd - 1/2

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Hey, everybody welcome out tonight

Hope you're having a good time out there

Don't forget about your waitresses and a coming up next

We got Sheena on the main stage



Athena on the disco and don't forget we got

Those recliner dancers in the back

Stick around and get those dollar bills out guys

And tip tip tip



Take it off, baby



Well, here's how this whole mess got started

Had a stripper at a bachelor party

I knew when she jumped out of that cake

We were meant to be



The next date we both flew off to Vegas

I must have been an ignoramus

I honestly believed that she

Loved me just for me



Oh, wasn't six months later it came to an end

I walked out of the courtroom crying

She left with a grin



'Cause she got half and I said, "Ow"

I mean dang that comes to nearly

Fifty thou per date

My butt had never been so chafed

'Cause she got half



I wondered if I'd remain lonely

Or would I find my one and only

Then the answer to my prayers

Appeared on my TV

(Call me now)



The cutest little tarot card reader

I knew that I just had to meet her

Then she said it was in the cards

For her to marry me



Oh, wasn't three months later I was in court again

No way she could have predicted

The way that it would end



'Cause I got half and she said, "Ow"

Two dollars a minute, so everyone call right now

Your future awaits and I will be the next Bill Gates

'Cause I get half



Sometimes you're better off as friends

'Cause if it ever ends then they get half

And you'll say, "Ow"

So I'm not looking to get married right now



I've got a date

With a beautiful Playboy Playmate

Who won't get half

No, she won't get half

© CUTS R US SONGS INC; MAKE SHIFT MUSIC; SINGLES ONLY MUSIC; WARNER-TAMERLANE PUBLISHING CORP; EMI BLACKWOOD MUSIC INC.;




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