Jon Lajoie - Listening To My Penis

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I have to stop listening to my penis

Listening to my penis

I swear I would be a genius if I stopped listening to my penis



I should be studying and working hard

My future depends on this, this is bizarre

Why am I standing in this noisy club

Where people are "Hey, what the fuck"

This doesn't make sense, I hate this place

12 dollar drinks and a shitty DJ



Obnoxious douchebags and easy girls

Oh yeah, that's why I'm here, the easy girls

I can't believe that it has come to this

Doing all this just to cum is ridiculous



I know I sound sexist, but I'm a feminist

But the problem is my dick is an idiot

When it comes to arguments, he always wins

Rationality can not compete with orgasms



I lost my train of thought, this girl's so hot

Oh here I go again, I have to stop



Listening to my penis

Listening to my penis

I swear I would be a genius if I stopped listening to my penis



I hate this girl, why am I talking to her?

She's a horrible person but my mind's a blur

'Cause she's wearing a skirt and a push-up bra

God damn her in that push-up bra



My mind keeps telling me to walk away

"Jon, just go home and masturbate

Don't waste your money and your time

With this really dissing girl

That you don't even like"

But my dick is like "Hey! I'm here to stay!

You're gonna do everything that I say! First get her drunk

It will be easier. And if she wants to dance

Then fucking dance with her"



But I hate this music and I hate dancing

And there's no way I can afford all these drinks

"Hey! Do what you have to do to get me inside!

You know very well you won't win this fight"



So five minutes later I'm on the dance floor

Dancing to Kesha and I hate that hoe








And I hate myself and I hate my cock

It's hard as a rock and I have to stop



Listening to my penis

Listening to my penis

I swear I would be a genius if I stopped listening to my penis



Stumble out of the bar, it's 2 in the morning

Dead on the inside but still horny

So I try to get this girl back to her place

But she says she's hungry so I have to wait



Now I'm in a diner, it's almost 3

She's talking about her captive reality tv

I really should just go home and go to sleep

But the goddamn cleavage is staring right at me

And I just wanna spend a little time in there

Which reminds me of a flow by Voltaire

Anything too stupid to be spoken is sung

And I have been singing a lot since I have begun



Listening to my penis

Listening to my penis

I swear I would be a genius ff I stopped listening to my penis



So I'm back at her place 4 AM, finally play time begins

All my hard work is about to pay off

But all of a sudden there is a knock on her door

She starts to freak out

She tells me she thought her boyfriend was out of town



He kicks the door down, I jump out the window

I didn't even have the time to grab my clothes

So I'm running like a motherfucker down the street

Fully erect and still horny



I finally give in, this has to stop

So I hide in some bushes and I start to jerk off

I'm almost done when I see flashing lights

A squad car appears right out of the night



I try to run and that's when I cum

Surrounded by cops at the break of dawn

See, this is what happens when you listen to your dick

You become an irrational insane prick



Now I'm sitting the cell, ashamed and naked

How the fuck am I gonna explain this to my wife and kid?



Listening to my penis

Listening to my penis

I swear I would be a genius if I stopped listening to my penis




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